Great Mom Moments of the Week

Since returning from vacation, I have really stepped it up in the mom-arena. And by stepped it up, I mean fallen flat on my face. You can pretty much guarantee that I have "Mom-of-the-Year" in the bag, so the rest of you ladies can just sit back down.

First of all . . . I'm sitting with the kids at work (long story) waiting for someone to show up for training (who never does, another long story) and trying to keep the little tykes happy. Eva has her "colors" (aka markers) and is happily drawing. She drops one and says, "Oh, crap!" under her breath. That would be verbatim (right down to volume and tone) how I say it, hoping my little repeater can't hear me. Turns out she can. After I got up off the floor (I'd fallen down, laughing), I asked her what she said. "I say 'crap' Mommy." I explain that that is not a nice word, that she can say "dang it," or "oh, shoot." "No, Mommy, I say 'crap'." Crap. I mean, oh shoot.

Secondly . . . Daniel has been pretty sick since we got home. His cold symptoms have led to some nasty diapers and a subsequently sore bottom. He is ALWAYS a wild man when you change his diaper, so I gave up the fight one morning and let him go around nekkid, thinking, "That will help your bottom dry out a little, maybe help it get better." Ri-i-i-i-i-ght. I can see all you experienced moms just shaking your heads. Hey - I did tell him not to pee on the floor. Typical man, he totally ignores me, stands up next to his fire engine and pees. I whisk him up, not realizing he's also taken a huge dump. Somehow, with a grace only I possess, I drag his feet through it and smear it across the carpet. Great. I am now holding a 21 lb 14 oz (he just had his 1 year check-up - bigger than Eva was at 18 mo!) squirming mass of boy covered in poop, with no pants on. Needless to say, despite repeated overhead pages of "Clean-up in Aisle 1," I had to scrub the carpet myself.

And last of all . . . on Saturday morning, with my husband home and watching the kids, I had the luxury of taking a shower all by myself. No one playing in the toilet (Daniel) or opening the door to say "Hi!" (Eva). It was was blissful. To really top the moment off, I decided to blow-dry my hair. I would say it has easily been 6 months since I did this. After carefully applying some hair product (another amazing luxury!), I turned on the blow dryer. I saw smoke almost immediately, and momentarily thought, "Did I forget how to do this? Did I push the wrong button?" Those thoughts quickly fled when it began pouring copious smoke from the bottom of the dryer, along with a large shower of sparks. It was at this point that I went ahead and threw it on the counter (I know, right? You'd think I'd have done that when I FIRST noticed the smoke!). You can all imagine how awesome my crunchy, not-dry hair looked the rest of the day. At least I didn't catch myself on fire.

And now, I take a bow. These two little munchkins DO make all the shenanigans worth it.